“Psychological safety” is one of those startup terms that gets passed around like kombucha in a co-working space. Everyone agrees it’s important. Few agree on what it actually means. And many confuse it with being nice.
Let’s clear that up.
Psychological safety is not about being soft. It’s not about nodding through bad ideas or avoiding hard conversations. It’s about creating an environment where people feel safe enough to speak up-and strong enough to be challenged, without feeling burnout.
In other words, it’s the opposite of mediocrity.
“To avoid criticism: say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.”
– Elbert Hubbard
(The unofficial motto of teams without psychological safety.)
What Psychological Safety Isn’t
- A shield from feedback
- A reason to avoid performance standards
- An excuse to tolerate poor communication
If your culture has turned “safe” into “stagnant,” you’re not protecting your team. You’re coddling it.
Signs You’re Coddling Instead of Leading
- You haven’t had a hard conversation with a direct report in months
- People agree in meetings, then disagree in DMs
- No one’s been fired-or promoted-in over a year
- “Feedback culture” means anonymous forms, not real-time dialogue
Let’s be blunt: if everyone feels good all the time, someone’s lying.
Tip: Balancing Safety and Standards
- Set the floor, not just the ceiling
Don’t just talk about what “great” looks like. Define what “not okay” means too-missed deadlines, poor communication, low ownership. - Normalize challenge in public
Model respectful dissent. Ask your team to push back, even in front of others. The point isn’t to agree-it’s to arrive at better answers. - Celebrate recovery, not perfection
Reward people who own their mistakes and bounce back stronger. Safety thrives when failure isn’t fatal-but it is addressed. - Make safety reciprocal
If you want your team to take risks, you have to show them you’re doing the same-whether it’s admitting you were wrong or changing your mind.
Table: Safety vs. Softness
| Trait | Psychological Safety | Coddling Culture |
| Feedback | Frequent and direct | Avoided or sugar-coated |
| Decision-making | Inclusive but clear | Consensus-obsessed |
| Performance management | Transparent and fair | Rare and unclear |
| Conflict | Addressed openly | Avoided until it festers |
| Team sentiment | Trusted, not fragile | Pleasant, but brittle |
FAQ
Q: How do we know if we’re getting this balance right?
A: Ask yourself: Are people speaking up? Are we holding the bar? Are we recovering from mistakes fast? If “yes” to all three, you’re on track.
Q: What if someone’s offended by honest feedback?
A: Then it’s your job to teach them how to process it. Kindness isn’t avoiding truth-it’s delivering it with context and care.
A Joke (Well, Sort Of)
Startup Founder: “We have a culture of radical candor.”
Employee: “Cool, can I give you some feedback?”
Founder: “Not like that.”
An Open Question
If your top performer made a mistake today, would they feel safe enough to admit it-and still be held to the same high bar?
What would it take for your team to be both vulnerable and accountable?
The best teams don’t whisper. They argue well. They build trust by clashing ideas, not avoiding them. And they know that true safety comes from knowing you can be honest-and still be held to the standard.
That’s not softness. That’s strength.
